To Suffer More than All

Image from LDS Media Library

The crucifixion is always a tender moment in the scriptures, especially when really picturing the suffering that Christ went through in those final days of his life. He was mocked, most likely starved, and scourged with a whip that ripped through his skin until his entire back was an open wound. 

The Romans took particular care to make his suffering even more acute. They crowned him with thorns and laid a robe onto the festering wound on his back, only to rip the robe off again after blood had surely dried on it.

And after all that, it didn't end there. They continued to mistreat him, inducing more pain that I could ever imagine experiencing. He was even expected to carry his own cross! It's no wonder, after the loss of blood and the lack of food, that Christ was unable to endure the cross's burden.

It wasn't until I had really thought about what Christ was going through—the complete agony he must have felt—that I realized the significance of this passage in Luke 23, as he is walking (staggering) to Golgotha:

27 And there followed him a great company of people, and of women, which also bewailed and lamented him.
28 But Jesus turning unto them said, Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children.
29 For, behold, the days are coming, in the which they shall say, Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bare, and the paps which never gave suck.

 When I read this, I was absolutely blown away. Here was Christ, going through a horrifying experience, and he says "Weep not for me"! Of all people, he certainly deserved the sympathy. All the world should have been weeping for him. But Christ didn't care one wit about the suffering he was going through. Instead, he was still thinking of others, concerned for their welfare more than his own. In the highest point of his agony, he turned to those he loved and felt sorrow for them.

And here I am, laying in my bed bemoaning my upset stomach and wanting all the attention of my husband, thinking, "You should feel sorry for me!" How pitiful. How humbling.

It makes me want to lay all of my pains and my fears at Christ's feet and say, "I know this isn't much, but I can't get through this without you. I need you more than you ever needed me."

The miracle of his Atonement is that Christ truly suffered more than all, and yet his love for us ran more deep than any pain.

Her Story Can Be Our Story

It's Christmastime, one of the best times of the year! I love the worldwide focus on Christ and his love. I have been thinking this week about the real reason we celebrate Christmas. Christ's birth is so important because of what he came to do for us—he broke the bands of sin and death!

He died for us, and he returned as our resurrected Savior.

After his resurrection he visited many of his disciples, and my favorite story is that of Mary Magdalene. Christ's visit to her is one of the most personal. It can be found in John 20:

15 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? whom seekest thou? She, supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.

16 Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master.

17 Jesus saith unto her, Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend unto my Father, and your Father; and to my God, and your God.

Mary was the first person to see our resurrected Lord! Is this not significant?

There are some that use this fact as a basis for the theory that Mary was the wife of Christ. Why else would she have been first, right?

While this theory might be true, I like the way that a guest speaker in my religion class put it. She thinks of it in a much more personal and applicable way.

What was it that really made Mary special enough that Christ appeared to her first? It was the fact that she lingered. She stayed by the tomb, mourning for her Messiah with a love that kept her eyes wet with tears. Perhaps Mary's story could have been anyone's story, if only they had lingered.

I like to think that Christ would have appeared to any disciple who did the same in that moment. That's who Christ is, after all; he is the Savior of all mankind. He loved not just the crowd, but the individual. And what made Mary special to him is that she was his disciple and his friend.

If it had been me or you that day by the tomb, would not Christ have had equal love enough to show himself to us? Yes, I think he would.

For truly, he shows himself to each and every one of us that turns our heart to him in love. It's when we linger on his words and truly sorrow for our sins that we too can see the light of our resurrected Lord.

The Humility to Be Cleansed

Image from LDS Media Library

How many times have we asked the question to ourselves, what if Christ came today? For me, it's a daunting question. Asking myself something like that, I never feel ready. I can't help but think that today my house is a disaster, I haven't read my scriptures, or it's been too long since I've actually said a sincere prayer. Whenever I think of seeing Christ, I get a little nervous, because I don't want him to see all of the weaknesses and imperfections that I have.

There's one story from Christ's ministry that calls my attention to this fact. It's in John 13, when Christ—the Christ—begins to wash the feet of his disciples. I'm not at all surprised by Simon Peter's reaction in verse 6 and 8:

"Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet? . . . Thou shalt never wash my feet."

Um, yeah. If I were him, I'd be thinking the same thing. What is the Lord of heaven and earth doing kneeling down and washing my feet—the dirtiest, filthiest part of my dirt-ridden body? I don't want him to see that; I'd rather clean my feet myself. There's no need for him to stoop so low as to help me, someone who should be cleaning his feet.

And yet, Christ gives a blunt reply to this type of thinking, to which Peter realizes just how significant this action was for him:

8 . . . Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me.
9 Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head.

This is Christ's answer to me too. For if I don't allow Christ to cleanse me, I have no part in his kingdom.

I had always just thought of this as a story about Christ's humility, but it's even more than that. This is a story about Peter's humility, and mine as well, if I can follow in the same footsteps.

How humble the disciples must have been in order to let Christ, their Messiah, wash their feet. It's an interesting idea to think about, but it's true. Just as Christ had to show humility by cleaning their feet, they had to show humility in allowing him to do so.

The same goes in my own life. I have to be humble enough to allow my Redeemer to cleanse me of every faulty aspect of my character, even the darkest and filthiest part that I would prefer no one to ever see.

Which means that even though I may be embarrassed about the pile of dishes in the sink or the untouched scriptures on the shelf, I have to be willing to tell the Lord, "Not my feet only, but also my hands and my head." Here, Lord, is every part of me. Help me to become more like thee.

A Perfect Trainer: The Miracle of the Donkey

From LDS Media Library

When I was young, I was obsessed with horses. I read every equestrian story I could get my hands on, loving every one of the horses introduced in them.

But there's one aspect of the stories that I always thought was portrayed a little unrealistically—a romanticized version of the truth. A good majority of them always told of an inexperienced horse rider who sees their dream horse and their heart flutters. Suddenly there's nothing that rider would rather do than get on that horse. Then, in almost every story, they are somehow able to train the horse through sheer emotional connection.

It's a beautiful story that any girl could fall in love with. But it's just a fantasy, right? No one would really feel such an immediate connection to a horse, or be able to get on its back with little to no effort. Right?

Turns out, there's an equestrian story just like this, based on true events, right in the New Testament. I never would have realized it without my professor pointing it out to me this past week. But it's right there, in Mark 11:1–10.

This is the story of Christ riding into Jerusalem on a donkey (it's not a horse, but it's close enough to illustrate my point). Not only was this a donkey that he had never ridden before, it was a colt—one that no one had ridden before. So Christ asks that his disciples go and get an unbroken colt so that he can ride it into Jerusalem.

If I were the apostles, I would be wondering what his plan was. How was Christ going to be able to ride into Jerusalem on a colt that had no training on carrying a man on its back? This is where my professor pointed out that the very fact that Jesus made it to Jerusalem on that donkey was a miracle. He should not have been able to ride that colt without at least a little while of training.

But then, that's not even the end of the miracle. What happens when Christ enters Jerusalem is just as astounding.

8 And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed them in the way. 

 9 And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the Son of David. . . . (Matthew 21)

So now, this poor colt, with a weight on his back he's never felt before, is walking into a huge crowd of people yelling, waving sticks at him, and putting clothes on the ground in front of him. He must have been terrified! And yet, there's never any mention of the colt freezing, bolting, or showing any other sign of fear. For the man on his back was no ordinary man.

The man on his back was his Savior. And as long as Christ had the reigns, the colt had nothing to fear.

I am the colt in this story. I am new and inexperienced when it comes to eternal things. There are moments in my life when I feel overwhelmed with everything that is going on around me, and it makes me want to freeze in my tracks.

But as long as I let Christ have the reigns in my own life, I know that I will be able to make it to Jerusalem, to the temple, and to God with no need to fear. He will lead me there, because he is the perfect trainer. 

The Sinner, the Accuser, and the Savior

Image from LDS Media

How often do we find ourselves looking down on someone for their sins? How many times have we ourselves been looked down upon? We've each been, at one time or another, either the sinner or the accuser in our own lives.

Studying the story of the adulteress woman in John 8 (watch the Bible Videos version for a powerful take on it), I noticed that this story exemplifies Christ's role as mediator between those who are accused and those who do the accusing.

In this story, the Pharisees rudely push a woman in front of Christ and present the question, "This woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?" (John 8:4–5).

If we had been there that day, where would we most likely be looking? A crowd has just come barging in, dragging a woman and accusing her of one of the three greatest sins (Alma 39:3–5). Not only is the accusation condemning, but the Pharisees had caught her "in the very act." She probably is not looking like someone who expected to be out in public. And by the time they got her to the temple, she would have been a mess. So again, where are everyone's eyes likely to be?

Directly on her.

What shame she must have felt. She must have sensed everyone's eyes boring into her as she hid her face from their stares.

But the very first thing that Christ does to answer the Pharisee's question shows his deep understanding and love for her: "Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground" (John 8:6). Again imagining that we are there, what is Christ doing to our attention in that moment? We are staring at the woman, when suddenly, our gaze is caught by his movement. All eyes would have been drawn to his finger, all thoughts focused on his writing.

No longer would the crowd be concentrated on the woman and her sin, staring at her with condemning or sorrowful eyes. He pulls everyone's attention away from the sinner and onto Him.

This is symbolic of what Christ does for all of us. We are all sinners to one degree or another, and we all have the opportunity to "go, and sin no more" (John 8:11). Through the Atonement, Christ has taken upon himself our sin. And because of the Atonement, we will no longer have to feel the shame that comes from our past mistakes.

But in this story, Christ doesn't just stop there. Not only did he stoop down and draw all attention onto him, but when he stood back up, he continued to teach. The first words out of his mouth were, "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her" (John 8:7). This is the second lesson of the Atonement that we can find in this story. For Christ's role is to not only to take upon himself our sins, but also to encourage us to repent. With this invitation, Christ turns the attention of everyone in the crowd back onto themselves. 

All eyes started on the sinner but were drawn to the Savior and then were commanded to turn to themselves and their own lives. For that's what the Atonement is about. We can't experience the full saving power unless we stop judging others and change ourselves.

We've all made mistakes. We've all sinned. Maybe today, it's the adulteress woman in the middle, but what if it were you? For it could be you, couldn't it? Isn't that what Christ is saying here? That we all stand no higher than this woman? So why do we judge her?

Truly, none of us would be able to cast that first stone. 

To Work an Hour, or All Day?

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The parable of the laborers in the vineyard has always been a confusing one for me. If I had worked all day on a project and then someone came in at the very end, just to help with the finishing touches, I would not be happy to find out they were getting payed the same as me. I mean, who did most of the work? I did. Shouldn't I deserve more than the guy who only gave an hour of his time?

Sure enough I'm not the only one who thinks this way. In fact, that's exactly what happened in the parable Christ gives in Matthew 20:1–15. It starts with an owner of a vineyard going out in the morning to find workers. He agrees with them that their wage for the day will be a penny—the normal wage for that time. These workers agree, relieved that they have found work to keep food on the table.

Then, the vineyard owner goes out again, sees that there are still people looking for work, and decides to hire them as well. He doesn't tell them how much they will be paid, but the laborers go anyway because anything was better than nothing. He does that three more times, even going out with just one more hour before the working day is over:

6 And about the eleventh hour he went out, and found others standing idle, and saith unto them, Why stand ye here all the day idle?

7 They say unto him, Because no man hath hired us. He saith unto them, Go ye also into the vineyard; and whatsoever is right, that shall ye receive.

I'm sure these men didn't even hope to get a third of a days wage. But even an hour's wage might give them enough to feed their children dinner.

The fact that every laborer receives the same wage—a full day's—that's what seemed unfair to me. Until this past week. It was only then that I finally understood what Elder Holland spoke about five years ago in his talk "The Laborers in the Vineyard,"

What I didn't realize before was the context of the times. It was common that each family only got by from day to day, and if they didn't find work one day, they didn't know where their next meal would  come from.

With this in mind, those first workers would have been relieved when they were chosen to labor in the vineyard. They got to go the whole day knowing that their family's next few meals were paid for.

Those that were hired at the very last, they spent the whole day worrying and stressing about how they were going to take care of their family. What would they say at the end of the day when they come home with nothing? They probably did everything they could to try and find work, but no one wanted them. And so they were left idle, with no hope.

So really, who was suffering more? Sure the first laborers had to bear "the burden and heat of the day," but their suffering was only physical. They at least had peace of mind. But the last laborers, their suffering was pure mental anxiety. They had no direction, no purpose to their day.

No wonder the owner of the vineyard had so much mercy on them. He felt their suffering and was willing to give them an equal share of hope. And that's what the true Master of the Vineyard does with all of us. No matter when we come with a desire to serve Him, He will hire us, and He will reward us with the same reward: eternal life.

We are all laborers, looking for a way to provide hope to our families. And no matter when we do discover Christ and His work, we will all be accepted with equal love.

Mother, Thy Faith Will Make Thee Whole

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Being a mother—this has always terrified me. The discomfort and pain, the lack of sleep, the complete surrender of personal desires... That doesn't sound very appealing. Not to mention, I feel incredibly under-qualified. If motherhood was a job and I had to turn in a resume, there would be no reason for Heavenly Father to hire me.

And yet, he will anyway. Me, an under-qualified candidate who has always dreaded the idea of having children.

Someday, I'll be a mother. Weird.

But this post isn't for me. I write this for all of those young mothers that I know. The mothers that I see trying so hard to raise their children and still stay on their feet. They all look so strong! These new mothers take the pain and the fatigue with such grace. Yet, I know it can't be easy.

If they are anything like I would be, they don't feel qualified for the work they are doing. It must be overwhelming and just plain exhausting.

If I were to send these amazing mothers anywhere, it would be to Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk, "Because She Is a Mother." When I become a mother myself, I think I might listen to this every day. It's that powerful and reassuring.

The part that stood out to me this time around was the very end, when Elder Holland compares mothers to the woman in Matthew 9:20-22 who had the faith to be healed, but did not feel worthy enough to approach the Savior directly. I had never thought about it before, but this woman is so similar to the mothers I know: She did everything in her power to find the cure to her disease, hiring doctor after doctor, taking medicine after medicine. I'm sure that she prayed to Heavenly Father for help during those 12 years of sickness. Any mother will do the same, doing everything in her power to raise her children the best she can.

And just like with the woman in the Bible, the answer comes in Christ. He is the healer, both physically and spiritually. If you think about it, mothers really do experience miracles every day—how else would they be able to keep going with little sleep and no time for themselves? That, to me, sounds like a miracle in which the body is literally being healed. So too can mothers, like the woman in the Bible, be spiritually healed as well.

So to all the mothers out there who are feeling a little overworked, "You are doing God's work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master's garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, 'Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole'" (Holland).

Faith Not to Be Healed

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Do I have the faith to be healed? More importantly, do I have the faith not to be healed?

Elder Bednar caused me to ask that question way back in 2013, when he gave the devotional "That We Might 'Not . . . Shrink' (D&C 19:18)."

Just yesterday, I was reminded of that question again, and it's been stuck in my mind ever since. Do I have the faith to keep love in my heart, even when things don't go how I want them to? 

My biggest question is whether or not I have the faith to face my worst fears. Sometimes I'm not so sure. Whenever I imagine my fears becoming reality, I freeze up and plead to God to not let that happen. 

But what if it did?

Like it did with the leprous man in Matthew 8:1-4, who had every Jew's worst nightmare happen to him. My professor described the leper's experience in a way that became more real to me: This man had a life. He likely had a family. Until one day, when he notices a little patch of white on his finger and thinks, "No. Please, no." Soon it begins to spread, and as soon as anyone else sees, he's immediately ostracized—from family, from friends, from work.

From that point on, it's a done deal. Once pronounced unclean, there's no going back. No farewell party with the family, no packing of any bags. Suddenly, cruelly, the leper is yanked out of his world and left to suffer alone, literally (and metaphorically) falling apart from the inside out. 

What hope he must have felt when he heard of a man called Jesus, the Messiah, a performer of miracles. This was his chance! His chance to get to see his family again, to be accepted by his friends, even just to have a day without pain.

And yet, when he approaches Jesus, the humility and faith that he shows is incredible. For even after all of the suffering he has been through, even with the knowledge that Christ has healed others, he doesn't feel entitled. He begins his plea with, "If thou wilt." A pure sign of faith—the faith not to be healed.

What would have been the outcome if Christ had told this man no? Of course, he would have been disappointed, perhaps shattered for a time. But with such strong faith, he still would have continued to worship the Lord no matter what the outcome.

Though it scares me to think about it, I know that I will do the same. When the time comes that my worst fears come to light—for they will—my faith in God will not waver. Will my heart break? Yes. Will my world crumble? Yes. I don't expect otherwise. But even through all of that, I will still know that God is there and that I have a Savior who wants to help me.

Eventually, after the trial of my faith, my miracle will come. 

Are We Like Herod, Or Like the Wise Men?

Photo by Kevin Phillips on Public Domain Pictures

🎶"The wise man built his house upon the rock, the wise man built his house upon the rock!"🎶

Oh wait, wrong wise man.

Though now that I think of it, "The Wise Man and the Foolish Man" does apply pretty well to the story of the wise men who traveled so far to see the newborn babe. In fact, that simple song explains exactly what happened those many years ago.

We get the full story in Matthew 2:

1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judæa in the days of Herod the king, behold, there came wise men from the east to Jerusalem,
2 Saying, Where is he that is born King of the Jews? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him.

This is where Herod (AKA, not wise man).comes in.

3 When Herod the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him.
4 And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he
demanded of them where Christ should be born.

Already, the differences between the wise men and Herod can be seen. The wise men have traveled far to see King Herod, and they have done their research beforehand. They know who they are looking for, as well as why they are looking for him.

Herod, on the other hand, has no idea. He hasn't done his daily scripture study and instead has to rely on what others tell him. Even then, he doesn't bother to ask about why this "King of the Jews" is so important. As soon as he heard "king," his mind jumped to conclusions about who these wise men were looking for.

Later in the story, the differences between the Herod and the wise men are more significant:

7 Then Herod, when he had privily called the wise men, inquired of them diligently what
time the star appeared.
8 And he sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go and search diligently for the young child;
and when ye have found him, bring me word again, that I may come and worship him also.
9 When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was.

These three verses can actually teach us a lot about how we should approach the gospel, and what it takes to come closer to Christ. The first example, that of what not to do, is given by King Herod. When Herod found out about the new King born in Bethlehem, he certainly acted very interested, inquiring "diligently" about him. But what did Herod actually do? Not a thing. Instead, he commanded others to act for him. He, in effect, was relying on others' faith to carry him forward. In other words, he had only "built his house upon the sand."

The wise men, however, show us an exemplary pattern for how to live our own lives. For when they heard the king, they acted for themselves. They went back out into the wilderness with faith that the star would lead them. They built their house upon the Rock of their Redeemer, doing everything in their power to find him and worship him.

Obviously, calling Herod the foolish man is all good and fun, but when I look at his story more closely, I have to admit that I often do the same thing he did. How many times have I gone to church without having prepared beforehand, just expecting to get all of my spiritual enlightenment from someone else's hard work?

Or, how often do I come home from church and say, "Wow, that was really great. I hope next week is just as good!" but then go back to doing nothing to strengthen my own testimony in Christ?

Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty foolish too sometimes. But I still can become like the wise men from that day. I can choose to build my house upon the Rock by doing everything I can to come closer to him.

The Virgin Mary: Despised and Rejected of Men

Image from Nativity--Bible Images on lds.org

Have you ever thought of Mary, the mother of Jesus, as a Christ-figure? I hadn't, until this past week in my religion class.

Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, was prophetically described in Isaiah chapter 53 as a man to be "despised and rejected of men" (verse 3). His life mission was never to gain favor in the sight of man, but instead to fulfill God's purpose. He was and is still rejected by many. I've come to accept this verse as not only a lament for the Savior's sufferings, but also as praise for a Savior who never failed to follow the Father's will.

Only recently did I start to connect this verse to Jesus's mother as well. Mary too was a woman who received ill-favor from those around her for the work that she was called to do. She, a pure and righteous virgin, was asked to give birth to the Son of God in a manner that looked illegitimate to everyone who knew her. And still, knowing the hardships that would come, she replied, "Behold, the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word" (Luke 1:38). This closely resembles the attitude of Christ's reply to the Lord's call when he agreed to the role God had planned for him: "Here am I, send me" (Abraham 3: 27).

What Mary had ahead of her was likely a life full of hatred, her peers no longer having respect for her nor her family. Perhaps her family disowned her. We really don't know. I like to think that they accepted her and believed her story, but with the amount of negative feelings that existed toward adultery then, it's possible they didn't. No wonder Mary went to Elizabeth's home "with haste," as it describes in Luke 1:39. She certainly would have been the object of spite in her own hometown, looked down on as an adulteress—even worthy of death

Looking at her story, can you see resemblances of Christ's? I can only wonder, if Jesus Christ is our Savior, what role did Mary play in helping him become so? We will never really know how she taught him or what she said, but as a mother, she would have been able to empathizes with her son during all of his suffering. From her own experience, Mary must have known a portion of what Christ was going through, both in preparation for and then during his ministry.

In some ways, I can now understand why the Catholic church puts so much emphasis on the Virgin Mary. Truly, she was a miraculous woman, and though never crucified herself, her experiences and trials resembled those of Christ.

And above all, even through the loss of honor in her family's eyes and the pain from judgmental looks, she knew she was a woman highly favored of the Lord:

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. (Luke 1:28)

I can just imagine how Mary must have looked into the eyes of the little baby in her arms, knowing that he was the cause for so much of her pain—and yet her eyes must have been so full of love and gratitude.

In the same way, I imagine Christ looking at me, his arms outstretched to me—even after I have added to his pain. Just as Mary never lost her love for Christ, Christ will always be reaching to me with a full and happy heart, waiting for me to take his hand.

Church v. Gospel: A House and Its Foundation

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Consider the terms "church" and "gospel." They are very obviously distinct from each other. No one could ever get the two confused, right? At least, that's what I was thinking when my professor asked us how they differ.

And I was right, Christ's gospel is not the same as his church. The gospel refers to the principles, the doctrine, the teachings that he has asked us to live by, and his church is an organization that has gathered to help each other live those principles. Put simply, Christ's church houses his gospel.

But maybe "house" isn't the right word for it after all. A house can still stand without any occupants, but the church would collapse into a pile of dust without the gospel. In fact, I think a better analogy can be made based on the Book of Mormon scripture, 3 Nephi 27:8.

And how be it my church save it be called in my name? . . . If it be called in my name then it is my church, if it so be that they are built upon my gospel. (Italics mine.)

So, let me revise my statement a little. Put simply, Christ's gospel founds his church. Phrased this way, the church is no longer the focus, because really, the gospel is the most important thing. Which brings me to my next point: "Christ's church" is not referring to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

This may seem like I'm deserting, but let me explain. Let's go to 1 Nephi 14, verse 10.

And he said unto me: Behold there are save two churches only; the one is the church of the Lamb of God, and the other is the church of the devil; wherefore, whoso belongeth not to he church of the Lamb of God belongeth to that great church, which is the mother of abominations; and she is the whore of all the earth.

For most of my life, I always thought that this verse was talking about (1) my church as the good guy, and (2) everyone else as the abominables. It's the whole concept of saying, "I belong to the one and only true church."

This, however, was a false way of thinking that I'm glad to be rid of.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have a strong testimony that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God's restored church on the earth, with the fullness of his gospel. But that's just it. We have the fullness of the gospel. That doesn't mean that no one else has the gospel at all. Other churches do have it, at least in parts, and the people who live the best they can with what they have—I have full confidence that Christ would welcome them with open arms into his church.

So once again, when you look at the gospel and the church together, the focus should not be on the church itself. The church is just the vehicle that helps get us to our ultimate destination; it's the package that the gift of the gospel comes in. For it's the gospel that holds everything together, and it's the gospel that will help us connect with all members of "the church of the Lamb of God," no matter what denomination.

The Garden of Eden Part 2: The Tree of Knowledge

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Have you ever wished that you could live in the Garden of Eden and enjoy a happy, carefree life? I have once or twice.

Fortunately, having everyone live happily ever after in a beautiful garden wasn't part of God's plan for us. In fact, it wasn't even possible. Adam and Eve could not have lived in bliss forever and still become the parents of all mankind.

It just couldn't work that way. Thanks to the Book of Mormon, we have a pretty clear idea of why. In 2 Nephi 2, it says, 

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end. 

23 Any they would have had no children. . . .

From this, we know that if Adam and Eve had not partaken of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, they would have never been able to raise children. Instead, they would have remained as children themselves—forever.

I've always understood that point. But there is one thing that continued to confuse me. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we teach that both Adam and Eve are heroic exemplars, because they chose to bring life into the world even though it required disobeying God. Eve is praised for her foresight and courage; Adam is praised for his loyalty and reasoning.

But neither Adam nor Eve had knowledge of good and evil until after they ate the fruit. They were children, knowing the what of the commandments but not the why.

If Adam and Eve were truly like children, innocent and unlearned, how could they have understood the magnitude of their decision to partake of the fruit? There's no way that Eve would have been reaching for that fruit with the full realization of what that action meant for her future.

That's what I never understood. Why did we praise Adam and Eve so much for their foresight and reasoning, when they really couldn't have known the significance of their partaking of the fruit?

But then I got to thinking about it as I read in Moses chapter 4, when the serpent is tempting Eve.

10 And the serpent said unto the woman: Ye shall not surely die; 

11 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. 

12 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it became pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make her wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and also gave unto her husband with her, and he did eat.

We don't know how long Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, but I wonder how many months must Eve have been walking through the Garden, pondering the two commandments that God had given her and realizing that she did not have the knowledge to keep the first commandment? How long had she already been gazing at the tree of knowledge, wanting to be fruitful and multiply but not knowing how?

I imagine that Eve would have already worked out for herself that she needed to have more knowledge if she and Adam were going to keep the first commandment to multiply and replenish the earth (Genesis 1:28). So when Satan did come in, promising knowledge like unto the gods, partaking of the fruit might not have been so foreign an idea to her.

I don't know whether or not Eve fully understood before she ate the fruit that she had to fall in order to bring salvation to her offspring. Perhaps she did, perhaps she didn't. Either way, her act was valiant and praiseworthy.

I will say, however, that I don't believe that Adam or Eve fully understood their role in God's plan until after they partook of the fruit. Indeed, in both scriptural accounts of the creation, Adam is not said to have given Eve her name until their eyes have already been opened. Only after their reprimand from God do they say that Adam called her Eve, the mother of all living (Genesis 3:20; Moses 4:26).

I love to think of the moment when Adam must have turned to "the woman" with such love in his eyes and tenderly called her "Eve" for the very first time. Having just been told that the earth would be cursed for their sake and that they were destined to return to the dust, I can imagine him saying, "Eve... My wife and my companion, we will make it. We can and will bring life into this world, together."

And they did. They brought you and me into this world to make decisions of our own, and they showed us that even with a minuscule understanding of God's plan, we can still make the right decision. Sometimes, if not always, our knowledge of the why behind God's commandments will only come after we take the step of faith. We are all like Adam and Eve, for aren't we all little children when compared to God? And like in the Garden of Eden, God will always allow us to make mistakes so that we may learn and grow closer to Him. 

The Garden of Eden Part 1: The Fruit as Salvation

Photo by Vadim L on Unsplash

Eve. What was her role in the Garden of Eden? A good portion of Christians might answer that Eve is to blame for all sin and sorrow that exists in this world. But there are many others who would argue that Eve was the hero that brought freedom to humanity—agency for the human race.

I have never doubted that Eve's transgression in the Garden of Eden was meant to be. I've been taught to praise Eve for her decision that day, based on the additional details given by the Book of Mormon (2 Nephi 2:22–25) and the Pearl of Great Price (Moses 5:10–11), both showing that humanity could not have existed without the Fall. Eve could only be the mother of all living by partaking of the fruit. I know that.

However, I never thought too deeply about why Heavenly Father gave those two commandments: to multiply and replenish the earth, and to not partake of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. Thinking about these commandments with the mindset that Adam and Eve could only multiply after they had partaken of the fruit, the two edicts seem contradictory. Why would Heavenly Father have given conflicting commandments, neither of which could be kept with the other?

While I couldn't have said an answer to that just three days ago, I learned some valuable information from my religion teacher, Professor Tyler Griffin, that led me to my own answer.

In the Book of Moses, there is one distinct difference in the account of the Garden of Eden that adds a new perspective to these contradictory commandments. In chapter 3, it says the following (the bolded text is additional information not found in Genesis):

16 And I, the Lord God, commanded the man, saying: Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat,

17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it, nevertheless, thou mayest choose for thyself, for it is given unto thee; but, remember that I forbid it, for in the day thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. 

 This bolded text contains a key word: "nevertheless." As my professor put it, anytime that the word "nevertheless" is used, it adds emphasis to the last part of the sentence, rather than the first. In simple terms, never-the-less means always-the-more.

AKA, what comes after "nevertheless" matters a lot more to God than what comes before. So what exactly is He emphasizing in the second part of the commandment? Incredibly, Heavenly Father is giving Adam and Eve agency. He is saying that while He is giving this commandment for them to follow, in the very act of giving them such a commandment, He also gives His greater gift: the freedom to choose. By giving them the tree of knowledge, He is also giving them the option to eat it—even against His will.

Now, when I read the verses in 2 Nephi, they add even more light to this question of conflicting commandments.

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen . . . 

23 . . . Wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no sin.

24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things. 

The verses in Moses establish that Heavenly Father purposely created the tree of knowledge for Adam and Eve so that they could choose whether or not to partake. The verses in 2 Nephi further establish that if Adam and Eve had not partaken of the fruit (or had not been given opportunity to disobey God's command), they would have remained innocent of sin. And without sin, there could be no righteousness.

There must be an opposition in all things (2 Nephi 2:11). We wouldn't know to call something good unless we have seen something evil. Thus, for there to be righteousness, sin had to be committed. And for there to be sin, there had to be a commandment given by God.

If Adam and Eve had not partaken of the fruit, they would have kept living forever in perfection but never had the benefits of keeping the commandments. They would have been in an eternal state of neutrality, unable to experience joy because they had not yet experienced misery. It's the paradox of life, that we can't appreciate the good unless we see the effects of the bad.

Truly, in our mortal minds, it's hard to comprehend the wisdom of God. But I finally think I understand this point. Heavenly Father gave such a conflicting commandment, specifically paired with the right to choose, because Adam and Eve had to transgress in order to give the world agency--and all consequences that come with it. Sin had to be introduced into the world in order for repentance (and thus growth) to take effect.

If Heavenly Father had never provided the forbidden fruit of knowledge, He would have been giving the very thing that Satan had proposed in the pre-earth life: a world without agency, where "all"—but in reality, none—would be saved (Moses 4:1).

So when Eve partook of the fruit, was she damning mankind, or saving them? The answer is that she was, in fact, saving us. In her decision to choose for herself, she put into effect Heavenly Father's plan for us, including the gift of a Savior. By transgressing in the Garden of Eden, she allowed all of us to be able to choose our own salvation.

The Role of a Canon in Later-day Revelation

When I think of a canon, the first one that comes to mind is that of great literature, with books like A Tale of Two Cities, The Odyssey, Little Women, or Macbeth--books that have stood the test of time and made it into a list of "classics." I've always known that there are similar canons for most types of art, like movies, paintings, or music.

What I didn't realize about the word "canon" is that it also refers to an authoritative list of scriptures. But the thing is, not every religion has the same canon, even among Christians! I guess I had never thought about it, but with so many translations of the Bible and other ancient texts not included in the Bible, it's no wonder that there is a disagreement about what the scriptural canon should include.

It's the same with any canon, really. The books listed in a literary canon have been studied by scholars because of their timelessness and depth, but how does a text gets into the canon? When is it finally timeless, and who gets to decide how deep a text is? That's a question that causes debates like crazy.

How cool would it be if there was a way to know exactly which books were supposed to be on that list? No debate, just . . . divine guidance? Maybe there's nothing like that with classical literature, but after reading on the scriptural canon in the Bible Dictionary, I realized that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints doesn't have to debate about what is scripture. We have more than just scholarly knowledge to tell us; we have latter-day revelation, which is exactly what has given us the four main texts we consider authoritative scripture: the Bible (Old and New Testament), the Book of Mormon, the Pearl of Great Price, and the Doctrine and Covenants.

That's awesome. The LDS scriptural canon is built on revelation! And what's more, the part of the Bible Dictionary entry that caught my attention most was this:

"Although the decisions were made in the past as to which writings are authoritative, that does not mean that the canon of scripture is complete and that no more can be added. True prophets and apostles will continue to receive new revelation, and from time to time the legal authorities of the Church will see fit to formally add to the collection of scripture."

This, I think, is a foundational concept. Basically, what this passage is saying is that (1) the Bible is not and should not be the only sacred text in a canon (and thus the Book of Mormon, Pearl of Great Price, and Doctrine and Covenants have every right to be a part of it, as long as they are revealed as authoritative), and (2) what books we have now are not the only scriptures that can be part of the canon. More can be added! God still isn't done, and neither should we be.

Learning about the canon in this way taught me that we need to continue with open minds and search for those texts that truly are lasting and authoritative, and cause us to come closer to the Lord.

Just like how a literary, cinematic, or artistic canon will continue to add new works to their list, so too can our scriptural canon continue to grow.

Sweet Sunday

Well, I sure didn't give a very good first impression today at church, because I was plain exhausted. I couldn't, for the life of me, keep my self awake. I was nodding off through all three hours, and the last hour I just gave up and stopped fighting the nod. I didn't really talk to many people either, but hopefully I will be able to make up for it in the coming weeks.

So yes, after morning church we just fell right asleep in our beds, waking up late for lunch. My mama's parents were visiting, so I got to meet them and talk for a while. Her mom was so fun, and just loved to talk about everything. I got to try a dish she made, called mole (I'm not sure if the actual dish is called mole, or if only the sauce is) which is meat with a sauce that has chocolate in it. It was really an interesting experience. I liked it, though I imagine it would have been better if I hadn't already been too full when I started eating it :P

We then headed al centro and checked out the things they have there every Sunday. It was similar to last night, with a bunch of vendors selling cool stuff, though there were a lot more places selling the traditional Yucatan clothing. And instead of performers, they had a band playing and an open dance on the street for anyone who wanted. There were a lot of people dancing by the end, including one little old guy who was the absolute cutest thing on the street. He just looked so HAPPY, like you imagine people looking when they dance, instead of the usual stone faces that we get now-a-days. I got a video of him so you could see what I mean.

We were able to check out the cathedral and go inside for a little bit. That was a very cool experience for me. I realized that while I appreciate the reason behind the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints not using the cross as a symbol, I also was able to see why the other Christian religions choose to. I know that Christ lives, and that His death was not the end and should not be the focus. But to look at him up on that cross, it made His sacrifice so much more real to me. It was easier to focus on what He did, and also WHY He did it. My experience in the cathedral was definitely surreal, and I was able to gain an appreciation for the feelings that other religious people claim to have. The Spirit can speak to you, no matter who you are.

To wind up the day, I'll just tell about these awesome stone chairs that face each other, which I love. Here's a picture of Rebecca, my roommate, and I enjoying our time in them :)

As for some interesting facts, I've got a few!

• At 6 o'clock (not sure if it's every day, but for sure Sundays!) they take the Mexican flag down, and while doing so, the police have a procession that plays the drums and marches in place--only lifting the left heel, keeping the right foot on the ground the whole time. They also have a bugle playing and Instead of folding the flag up right after taking it down, six soldiers hold it open in the air and march out of the square. Their marching is with straight legs.
• They have watermelon juice that tastes like it was literally just juiced out of a watermelon and put in a bottle. Drinks sold at vendors are sold in hand-filled bottles, instead of cups.
• When they dance, the women do not move their hips much at all. That must just be other Hispanic countries which are known for the Spanish hips; it doesn't seem to be a thing here.

Wait, WHERE??

I have officially not kept my resolution to blog every week, seeing as how it's been three weeks since my last one. I have definitely thought about it though, so that should count right? But I can't NOT blog today, seeing as how I just found out what I'm going to be doing for the next two years of my life. !!

This past week, I was anxiously waiting for my mission call to come in the mail, and it almost drove me crazy! Since I live in Provo, mission calls usually arrive from Salt Lake by Wednesday. So I had my roommate check the mail, but it didn't come. I was pretty disappointed, but figured it was late because of the crazy snow we had that week. So I cancelled my call party and hoped it would be here on Thursday. 

Thursday came, and went. No call. By now I'm just a wreck, not able to concentrate on anything. Of course everyone is asking if I got it or where I'm going, and I just feel like crying as I tell them I don't know yet. 

As Friday rolls around, I'm feeling a little dejected as I check the mail. But it CAME! I ran inside and immediately opened it, had to read it three times before I really believed what I read, and then immediately tried to get a hold of my parents. However, my mom is in Oklahoma with my brother, and neither of the phones I called worked. So I'm sitting here without anyone to tell, or any way to tell, and I'm bursting! My brother finally answered his phone, but said he is at work, and he doesn't know when he will be back home, so I have to WAIT to tell ANYONE because I wanted my mom to be the first to know. 

My roommate came home, but I still couldn't tell her until my mom called which was pure torture for both of us. Finally my mom called at 7:30 pm (that's three hours after I opened my call) so I was able to reveal where I was going! I then proceeded to tell her and everyone else I came in contact with that I'm going to the...

Korea Busan Mission!!!

I cannot even wrap my mind around it. Everything about it is completely different from anything I have ever experienced or even wanted to experience: language, culture, people, food, weather, religion, everything! I'm freaking out! 

One thing that really gives me comfort, in assuring me that this is not completely random, is the fact that my dad has been to Korea before and even learned a little Korean himself. He was able to tell me that knowing Spanish really helps in writing how to pronounce Korean since Spanish vowels don't change like English vowels do. So that's great! At least I'll kind of be able to use it while I'm there. 

I have so many more thoughts going on in my head, but I'll save them for another day. Expect that the next couple posts will be related to this topic!

New Year's Resolutions

It's the NEW YEAR!! Happy first day of 2013! In honor of the holiday, I'd like to give my New Year's resolutions so that I'm not only held accountable to myself, but to you guys as well!

My goals for this year:

1. Read the Book of Mormon every day in English AND Spanish
2. Pray morning and night
3. Serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
4. Study and know Preach My Gospel before going on a mission
5. Blog at least once a week (my weekly letters on my mission blog will count)
6. Be able to pay for half of my mission
7. Get at least a 3.7 GPA this semester
8. Exercise at the gym at least three times per week
9. Swim two times a week
10. Give plasma to earn money, as much as I can
11. Become the best friend I can be to everyone
12. Finish Book of Mormon in Spanish
13. Write in my journal about the whole year-and-a-half that I've missed
14. Flat stomach
15. Touch someone, in a way that betters their life forever

This list is not necessarily in order of most to least important, just as they came to my mind. I wish everyone a happy and productive year, and the best of luck in completing your own resolutions! Don't give up too soon!

Sheltered BYU Student

I've been working on my present for Mariah, my roommate/cousin. I'm so excited for it to be finished and to give it to her! I won't say what it is, just in case she happens to read my blog before I give it to her. That would be terrible to spoil the surprise!

I also went to hang out with some friends, and realized just how sheltered I am. It's so different coming back to the "real world," where the majority of the population is not Mormon. Going to school at Brigham Young University, you get used to that kind of society.. hearing someone swear is like whaa?? Seeing someone smoke, I always have to pause and remember that not everyone is Mormon, and even we aren't always what we should be.

But I'm completely fine with it! I absolutely love the atmosphere at the University, and wouldn't have wanted to choose any other way. The fact that I don't have to worry about any of the drama involved with drinking, sex, drugs, etc. is extremely comforting. I always hear about all the things that happen in other colleges and it seems so far away, unrelatable. And yes, I am aware that I will have to be rudely awakened one of these days, but I'm fine with the safety that I feel while it lasts.

Just another reason to serve a mission. So I can tell others about the wonderful gospel that lets you feel safe in your home, on the street, and with the people around you.

I'm happy where I am. :)

Science and Religion Work Together

Gingerbread, frosting, gingerbread, and more frosting. My mind feels like it's going to melt into nothing. Although I'm unable to say that I finished my house, I did get the actual frame set up, and tomorrow is just for decorating!

One important item of business-- I'll have you know that the dates on most of my posts are one day behind, because I have a habit of posting at one or two in the morning. I am going to try and post before 12, but we'll see how that goes. :)

What I really want to talk about tonight is the AWESOME talk I had with my dad. We were able to talk about gospel and science related things, without it ending in someone huffing off. 

My dad is not a member of the church (of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), while I've mentioned before that my mom is a very stalwart member--and both of them are very stubborn. So naturally, they get into pretty heated conversations/arguments about the gospel. I often would sit for hours just listening to them go back and forth. This may be the reason I was so quiet when I was younger. I'm just not the type to cut in when others are speaking; I let people say what they are going to say, because I hate being cut off myself. But when there's people other than me, I often don't have room to add anything.

However, today the missionaries came and asked my father if he had ever read the Book of Mormon. He replied that he hadn't read it straight through, but had compared it to the Bible years ago. This is when I had the idea of what I wanted for my Christmas present, as well as my birthday (exactly three months from Christmas). After the missionaries were gone I proposed my wish: "For my Christmas present, I want you to begin reading the Book of Mormon, and for my Birthday I want you to finish it." I also requested that he not compare it to anything else, as I know this would take the Spirit away, so that he can just read it for what it is. He agreed! 

We continued talking about beliefs, which led to a discussion about how science and religion can be paired. My father agreed that these two do work together. My biggest problem with society in general is that Science is one thing and Religion is another, and we think that one disproves the other.

However, this is not true! God is Science. Science is not proving that things happen by chance, but rather proving that such intricate designs must have a designer. 

As "smart" as mother nature is, she's not a being and could not have naturally made such a huge immensity of complex organisms and elements.

I took Geology this last semester, and learned about things that I honestly didn't even think necessary to know, and yet they still existed. Each and every little detail matters in our universe. This world is so complicated of a subject, because of just how specific things have to be in order to make a world such as ours. Specificity is not natural. As my professor always said, mother nature is lazy and always takes the easiest way. There's no way "she" pays attention to detail. There's got to be Someone that does. 

Evolution was brought up after my father was trying to tell me his belief about the difference between facts and truth. I don't understand his reasoning perfectly, but I did glean something which I agree with: fact and truth are not the same thing. Fact has been scientifically proven, knowledge that the human race has accumulated. Truth, however, is what is-- always has been and always will be. The facts that we have today are only a small pinpoint of the truth. According to these definitions, anything having to do with faith cannot be called a fact, but it can be truth.

Evolution is a complicated issue, because it has scientific proof, and yet a lot of theory as well. It has been proven that species can evolve. Anyone who knows anything would not be able to say otherwise. However, it hasn't been proven-- and will never be-- how evolution started, how the world was created, or anything about the creation. This is where faith comes in. We can look at all of the scientifically proven facts, and still there is so much we don't know. The only way humanity can live with not knowing is to trust in God. Trust that he knew what he was doing, and he was in charge. 

As far as how we were created, that's another thing where you've got to have faith. Some religious people cannot accept that we came from something resembling an ape/monkey, choosing to take the Bible's creation story literally. And yet, how many instances did God, both in Old and New Testaments, speak symbolically? I would vouch that there's more symbolism than literal statements. What's to say that homo sapiens did not evolve until God deemed they were ready for his spirit children to enter them? 

I would like to point a couple things out from Genesis 2.

1. "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground"
   First of all, if we're okay with coming from the dust, what's wrong with evolving from a creature? But that's not the point I want to make. When it says dust of the ground, I'm reminded of the fact that the very first living organism technically came from the dust of the ground. So even through evolution, everything came from dust.
2. "And breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul."
   This was my dad's acknowledgment-- the soul is the only thing that would make humans different from the previous homo sapiens. The soul is something that only God could have given us, and he chose when to.
3. In the garden, "the tree of knowledge of good and evil."
   This implies that Adam and Eve did not previously know good and evil. They were like children. But where did they come from? Yes, they could have been placed there by God, but why not have been born from a homo-sapien family? Thus they were born into a family that had the mental capacity more or less of children. And then they were given understanding after partaking of the tree, the true beginning of the human race and God's children. 

I'm not telling you what to believe, I'm just telling you what I believe and why. Once again, I'll just say that facts are few while opinions are many, but truth is everlasting. It's your job to use faith to find it. :)

The Mission, God, and Me.

I had a great day today, and got some things done! In fact, I was able to go to my doctor's appointment for my mission papers! I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and my plan is to serve a mission for the year-and-a-half that young women are able to. I am so excited!

This will be me. \/  :)

Learn more about Mormon missionaries!

I can't turn in my paperwork until January, four months before I am actually able to leave, so I've still got at least a month before I find out where I go. Honestly though, I would be good with anywhere! I'm to the point where I really have a desire to go and serve Christ. I want to put my life on hold, and dedicate every waking hour to Him.

This may sound cliche to some people, because whenever I heard someone say that, I felt the same way-- it was just the same old thing, and couldn't possibly be what they were really thinking about. But over the past couple weeks as I've searched for what I am supposed to do, and whether going on a mission is the right path to choose, I have also gotten that desire! It's an answer to my prayers. I saw those other girls who only wanted to serve God, and I envied that. And now He's given it to me! I'm going, baby, and nothings going to stop me. 

---

On a completely different note, as I was on my way to play phone tag with some friends (which was SO fun, especially because we ended it with a nerf war :D) I found this awesome light display. I feel this may be something that one could only find in Mountain Home Idaho and I had a good laugh about it. Here's a representation of my hometown:

If you can't tell, it's a tractor made of Christmas lights. I honestly wonder where people get these ideas.. lol