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| Photo by Silvestri Matteo on Unsplash |
Do I have the faith to be healed? More importantly, do I have the faith not to be healed?
Elder Bednar caused me to ask that question way back in 2013, when he gave the devotional "That We Might 'Not . . . Shrink' (D&C 19:18)."
Just yesterday, I was reminded of that question again, and it's been stuck in my mind ever since. Do I have the faith to keep love in my heart, even when things don't go how I want them to?
My biggest question is whether or not I have the faith to face my worst fears. Sometimes I'm not so sure. Whenever I imagine my fears becoming reality, I freeze up and plead to God to not let that happen.
But what if it did?
Like it did with the leprous man in Matthew 8:1-4, who had every Jew's worst nightmare happen to him. My professor described the leper's experience in a way that became more real to me: This man had a life. He likely had a family. Until one day, when he notices a little patch of white on his finger and thinks, "No. Please, no." Soon it begins to spread, and as soon as anyone else sees, he's immediately ostracized—from family, from friends, from work.
From that point on, it's a done deal. Once pronounced unclean, there's no going back. No farewell party with the family, no packing of any bags. Suddenly, cruelly, the leper is yanked out of his world and left to suffer alone, literally (and metaphorically) falling apart from the inside out.
From that point on, it's a done deal. Once pronounced unclean, there's no going back. No farewell party with the family, no packing of any bags. Suddenly, cruelly, the leper is yanked out of his world and left to suffer alone, literally (and metaphorically) falling apart from the inside out.
What hope he must have felt when he heard of a man called Jesus, the Messiah, a performer of miracles. This was his chance! His chance to get to see his family again, to be accepted by his friends, even just to have a day without pain.
And yet, when he approaches Jesus, the humility and faith that he shows is incredible. For even after all of the suffering he has been through, even with the knowledge that Christ has healed others, he doesn't feel entitled. He begins his plea with, "If thou wilt." A pure sign of faith—the faith not to be healed.
What would have been the outcome if Christ had told this man no? Of course, he would have been disappointed, perhaps shattered for a time. But with such strong faith, he still would have continued to worship the Lord no matter what the outcome.
Though it scares me to think about it, I know that I will do the same. When the time comes that my worst fears come to light—for they will—my faith in God will not waver. Will my heart break? Yes. Will my world crumble? Yes. I don't expect otherwise. But even through all of that, I will still know that God is there and that I have a Savior who wants to help me.
Eventually, after the trial of my faith, my miracle will come.
And yet, when he approaches Jesus, the humility and faith that he shows is incredible. For even after all of the suffering he has been through, even with the knowledge that Christ has healed others, he doesn't feel entitled. He begins his plea with, "If thou wilt." A pure sign of faith—the faith not to be healed.
What would have been the outcome if Christ had told this man no? Of course, he would have been disappointed, perhaps shattered for a time. But with such strong faith, he still would have continued to worship the Lord no matter what the outcome.
Though it scares me to think about it, I know that I will do the same. When the time comes that my worst fears come to light—for they will—my faith in God will not waver. Will my heart break? Yes. Will my world crumble? Yes. I don't expect otherwise. But even through all of that, I will still know that God is there and that I have a Savior who wants to help me.
Eventually, after the trial of my faith, my miracle will come.
And your miracle might be that you find a new path you would never have discovered, an amazing path that could have only come through this trial.
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